Ok so…I have recently become a victim of male thirst. This one guy really likes me right? Likes me to the point that he has probably confessed to me close to five times. Me on the other hand no so much into him. But here’s my fear. He low key thinks we are in a relationship. WHAAAA? when did this happen and why wasn’t I informed?!?! So here’s my dilemma…If I don’t like you and my relationship status on FB is single…YOU ARE NOT MY BOY FRIEND. You are simply a friend of mine who is a boy. Why is it every time a guy gets thirsty it’s like this big deal? Also every time it’s never an attractive guy. Which is a given. Attractive tall men don’t have to thirst over women because women will just melt before them like pudding. But the runts of the litter get left to be thirsty. I’m sure if I wasn’t so picky or didn’t have such high standards I would love to date this guy. I mean I like him I just don’t like him as a boyfriend. But then on the other side of the spectrum I have a 32 year old bartender/personal trainer that makes me swoon when I see him and he gives me free drinks. Um can we say win. The only thing with that is there is a 10 year gap between us and so far we have only had minor flirtations. I don’t like chasing guys because now a days if you chase a guy you come off as a thirsty desperate girl. Which is just not the case for me. Would I like a boyfriend?…Yes. Would I be willing to look like an idiot for him in order to possible have a glimmer of hope in getting noticed?…No (Ain’t nobody got time for THAT). So I find myself at a crossroads. There’s the guy that is pretty much in love with me but I can only see him as friend. Then there’s super hot bartender who i flirt with but I don’t feel like chasing. Oh well until further notice I’m on the singles train cause this is too complicated. I don’t want to lead this one guy on but I kind of like the compliments and flattery. I guess that’s where the bitch in bad bitch jurisdictions comes from on this blog. Sorry about it…Not really.
All right so I’m a major advocate for if you don’t like something change it. You don;t like that you are fat get in the gym. You don’t like that your hair is too short or flat get extensions. WHATEVER it is you need to do to feel like the best you that you can be DO IT. So for all my life I’ve hated my nose. Honestly, it’s not a bad nose it’s just not what I want. I have big facial features but by far my nose is the one I’ve gotten teased for the most and the only thing on my face I would ever change. So I talked to my parents about a nose job. Yes I know plastic surgery sounds horrible for someone who is 22 and confident in her looks. But like I said before if you want to change something about yourself you should be able to do that. So my parents say they actually don’t mind. My dad goes on to ask me why and I said “my nose looks like Mrs. Potato head I don’t want a pencil nose I just want something with a bit more structure and something I won’t have to contour and highlight like crazy to even give the illusion that it looks like what I want.” Then of course my dad gives me an option if I get good grades I can have a nose job for xmas. Of course I know this is not going to happen because he never keeps promises like that to me and he will conveniently “forget.” So I have decided to make a pledge. After doing some research your basic nose job can cost anywhere between 5 to 9 thousand dollars. So for this summer I will be working my a$$ off as a waitress and in my internship to get as much money as possible. Every tip and check I get will be split down he middle. Half for my personal spending the other half dedicated to my nose job. So I am really happy about this because hopefully with as much as I’ve been tipped and paid in the past it’ll take me at the most 4 months to come up with enough money for the procedure. I’m very excited I have even started saving pictures in my likes of girls with noses that I admire. I’m also going to start getting extensions and dressing nicer because in order to become the person you admire you have to put in the effort. You can’t just fake it till you make it. To be a bad bitch you have to work every angle that comes your way. So wish me luck bad bitch army. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. And I kno there will be a few ppl who say. You should love what you’re born in and the skin you are in. I do love myself very much but this will seal the deal and nothing will ever be able to hold me back again.
what the hell are you talking about myrtle is annoying. her character is awesome without her there would be no conflict or story. the witches council is such a nice aspect to have when dealing with flashbacks and manners of the coven. myrtle being the lead representative is awesome. her audrey hepburn accent is fantastic.
I just think in the concept of the war that is happening her in last weeks episode was perfect and justified but I have a feeling she’s about to be in a lot of them. I think there is a lot of conflict in the story even before Myrtle, or did you miss the voodoo queen sending a greek beast and zombies to the witches door. I’m mainly saying that I get where Fiona is coming from on Myrtle. She’s like this little piece of glass in a shoe and as soon as you put your foot in it sneak attack. Fiona went about getting rid of her in such an epic way too seems like such a waste to resurrect her. But I have a feeling she won’t stay alive long. I think she might interfere with what is happening and either Fiona or Marie or at this point Cordelia might snap her neck and I just know Jessica Lange will have an awesome one liner line when that happens. I think the reason I said she’s annoying is because there are girls and women in real life like that and it’s like come on give it up already you look stupid. But yeah long live the supreme and Marie Laveau cause I love them both.
Howdy all. Glad to see my loyal followers of these reviews still going strong. So lets hop right into this weeks AWESOME episode. After having a particular wondrous Samhain myself I loved that this episode opened with Halloween still in effect. It shows the Madame’s old house with her three daughters and how she paraded people through her “House of Horrors”First of all, when that guy touched that bowl of bloody eyeballs my Subway sandwich almost made a comeback from my stomach like the three zombie daughters from the grave. (Haha get my wittiness) But anyway yeah ZOMBIES. Really after last week I was a bit 50/50 on the zombies just because I wanted to see more witchy stuff but Marie’s zombies are scary looking as hell. Especially after learning in the beginning that the Sadist had at one point imprisoned her daughters in cages. It’s basically the zombie apocalypse outside of the house and once again I would find myself sobbing if I was in that situation. Immediate sobbing. Cue the awesome title music and we are off to the races. We then see Cordelia crying bloody murder holding her face and Fiona is screaming to let her see. Surprise cordelia is blinded and fiona flips sh*t on some poor Doctor only doing his job. Acid in the eyes would just ruin my day. Then back to the house and Zoe’s dumb self says turn off the lights. UM do you think the ZOMBIES are just going to be like “Oh the lights are off I guess we’ll have to come dismember them another time…” Someone fetch Zoe a brain. So the zombies start attacking and right of the bat rip some stoners kids organs out. Well ouch. Then of course Nan goes to save Luke who was stupid enough not to see that they were real Zombies. Zoe and the others go up stairs to hide. Cordelia’s eyes look like someone put that part of her face through a meat grinder than placed it back on her face. I was like oh and I’m sick I am very sick. My next thought in this episode is are these zombies walking zombies or the scary running kind….OH SH*T RUNNING DEFINITELY RUNNING! Then seeing her zombie daughter outside the Madame opens the door. No you stupid bitch noooooo. Ok So Queenie can just slice open her neck and be fine. Ok that is freaking SWEET. Though I was like ummm that is your neck. But apprently if you stab one of Marie’s zombies in the heart they Officially die. Ok I will admit when Zoe chomped off that one zombies head with a chainsaw I was like OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN! Dammit I think Zoe might be the supreme after all guys. Well boo. I was hoping for Misty. The council returns. *sarcastic yay* and Myrtle once again is a frazzled mess against Fiona. The Council is trying to steal her powers but Fiona blames Myrtle with the act of blinding her daughter. So Myrtle’s little hatred towards fiona branched into a full on trying to stop her spree and the council finds out. BUT OH MY GOD!!!! When they decide to burn Myrtle I was shocked. First of all the whole burn one of our own type of rule I’m not all together in with. It just seems a bit much. But Myrtle agrees to let herself be burned. The burning scene was so legit as well I say BRAVO to all that happened in that scene. But here’s what made me mad. Queenie is weak. She did something for the Supreme and starts whining I’m like girl if you go against the supreme you die. But Of course Queenie is manipulated by Fiona easily. Once again Spalding creeps me out and he tore Madison’s rotting arm off by accident. Gross. The episode ends with Misty finding Myrtle’s toasted body. Ok here’s my issue. 1. Why did they leave the body out there to just be found. 2. Why was the body not burnt to a crisps. I’m no expert in people who die by fire but isn’t the body usually in a lot worse shape. 3. NOOOO myrtle was annoying and now she’s going to come back to life and cause Fiona a whole bunch of grief. I can’t blame Misty because she probably just thought. Oh they burned her like they did to me. But UGH how annoying to have to deal with Myrtle some more. Well hopefuly next week will deal with more Marie and Kyle type stuff. Also I wouldn’t mind seeing what’s going to happen to Luke. You can’t just get attacked by Zombies then go on about your normal life. Also Queenie is sick. I feel like she might be used as a pawn a bit more but I feel like her health is going to take her out. I feel bad for cordelia though now she has like a sight without sight. She can see peoples secrets in a way. Which I thought was cool. I look forward to Next weeks episode though I have no clue where we go from here besides Myrtle f***ing a bunch of stuff up and Fiona getting sicker as we get closer to crowning a new supreme.
GIRLLLLL. once again I’m like YES GIRL YES. This weeks episode opens with more Voodoo and a hint of horrible racism that is quickly avenged by Marie and her bringing back the dead to dismember the racists assholes that killed a young black kid. Too bad when that happens today we can’t summon a bunch of angry zombies to tear people apart. *cough cough* But I digress. Sorry forgot to say SPOILER ALERT. So then we see a cute little thing between my Goddess Jessica Lange and the mute butler as he rolls up Madison’s lifeless body into a large rub and I think..Oo girl at least you died in some cute shoes. Then shocker we see the minatour (sp?) has f***ed up Queenie. WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU OFFERED SEX TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT YOU STUPID GIRL. You would think as a human voodoo doll she would be smarter. But hey big girls need love to. (Jk). So of course she’s laying on the ground screaming bloody murder covered in blood. Ew. Then Fiona and Cordelia argue over Queenie’s seizing body about who’s fault it is. Like watching a high stakes tennis match back and forth. Then of course Queenie stops breathing -_-. Fiona brings her back to life by breathing air into her UM AWESOME. THEN SWEET GORGIE PEACH! Fiona sends Marie’s bull head lover’s head to her in a box but it’s still alive and blinking. Thus when I threw up in my throat. Kyle of course is still messed up. Please kill him because him banging his head against a tub was freaking me out. At least he spoke finally. But this annoying Zoe girl keeps complaining. Ugh. He runs away from Zoe. Hopefully back to Misty. But the truce between white witches and black witches is over. Marie starts to do the same ritual she did at the beginning. BRING ON THE DANCING ZOMBIES.. And once again SHOCKER cordelia’s husband is cheating on her with some bitch with a bad dye job. Most awkwardly intense sex scene ever. (When I say shocker I’m being sarcastic). Queenie wakes up and the little cowardly sadists thanks her. Queenie acts all tough. Umm if I had been f***ed by a greek mythological creature and lived I think my first reaction would be immediate and constant sobbing. Then comes in the council and Cordelia starts singing like a damn bird to Red who’s just like “Um we didn’t know all this” Fiona has to come in and tell her daughter to shut up. I’m sorry I just can’t feel bad for Cordelia cause she is not very…Smart. Nan apparently summoned them and the search for madison begins. Then *car screech* we have what at first seems to be a pointless scene between Cordelia’s husband and his little slut and I’m thinking YAWN why are we watching them? Then, he shoots her in the head. Wait Whaaaaaaaat just happened and why? A long weird trail happens and Myrtle tries to get Spalding to accuse Fiona of murder but he loves her so that’s not happening!!! Sorry not sorry. Then they flashback showing him cutting off his own tongue. I died a little when I saw that. And Fiona had NOTHING to do with it. Myrtle then goes for lack of a better term apesh*t on fiona and cordelia. Apparently in order to be the next supreme you need to be in awesome health and that’s why Madison was not the next supreme because she had heart problems. Well DAMN now fiona is going to have to kill another girl. My guess is on Nan. Also Spalding is crazy. Like dresses up as a doll and has a whole bunch of porcelain dolls weird crazy. And he may or may not have dressed up madison’s dead body and had a “tea party” with it. Then HELLA zombies show up at the school including the madame’s daughters. Oh lawd bring on the sobbing. And that’s how this episode ends. Can we say WOW. I’m blown away. I understand they had to make up from last season but Damn every episode is like amazing. Next episode the war is about to get intense. Like 30 zombies are about to attack the school. I think Cordelia is blinded or something gross happens to her eyes and she has to go to the hospital. It looked like someone through acid in her eyes. Fiona’s gang ends up burning someone at the stake. My money is one the other black girl in Marie’s coven. But my question is…Is what the hell is Cordelia’s husband doing. Is he some random killer of women or some secret agent. Because that gun he had was top grade with a silencer and everything. GIRLLLL THE SHADE OF IT ALL. I applaud you AHS every week you keep me coming back for more. But I’m still waiting for the connections to link up some more.
I am stuck within the infinity you created. This silent hell that you created. I am trapped within your circle spiraling out of control break dancing on broken shattered glass naked and only after you have broken those bottles do you ask me if I’m ok. In your infinity I feel I’ll never be what you want me to be. The perfect little vision of success in society who hides behind a crooked smile and staples the corners of her mouth to her upper cheeks hoping that the blood doesn’t show through the make up. So what are we doing here? Constantly clawing at each others throats like animals fighting over the last bit of meat. I always end up in the rut lost in defeat backtracking in your infinity. I don’t know what to say. I shrug and cry and wish to disappear in my pain but the silence is unbearably always broken by tattered screams and the wondrous inflammations of my own moods. The times when I’m alone I find myself reaching out but my arm is cut off before I even get to taste of what could’ve been mine. Perfection is not optional it is required. When you are alone in the infinity with no one to run beside you because they weren’t strong enough to move your legs in this race let alone their own. You find you are chasing the someone you wish you could be the free you could be but you are always 10 feet behind or 10 feet below and always out of reach. So what should I do when I find myself in an infinity and there is no perfection to be reached and my tears dry up and regret is nothing but something in the movies and the heart dies a thousand deaths and I am stuck in this limbo of life this turning point made into a fork in the road. I sit here! I feel my presence far from transparent to all as I pull out my hair and scream and break things and figure skate in that figure eight that has been purified of all sins. So will he ever come to deliver me from my sadness. Deliver me from all the madness. Deliver me from not knowing and not showing how perfect I could be because I just don’t apply myself to the possibilities that maybe….I will never be superwoman but a lowly human just trying to make it work. So I shall be waiting on this potential plane like egypt for my modern day Moses to deliver me from infinity…Is perfection all that’s it’s worth. No I think I’ll write it down in a suicide note. No because you’ll have to spend too much money on a funeral. Sorry I thought I was your daughter but I’m an expense on your income statement. I don’t pray to your lord. What has he done for me lately. you watched me sell my soul at four years old for a shred of happiness. You have the nerve to ask for my love but I can count the times you’ve been proud of me on one hand. One more year. Just one more year and I’m free. Free of you. Free of this stigma. Free of living a life of lies and pretending and smiling and being willing to act like I’m not in pain when you look at me like this giant disappointment. Sorry I can’t be perfect but honestly just for your love it’s not worth it.
HEYYY it’s M back again with the latest review on tonights AHS episode. Ok so when I tell you this show is like my dreams and nightmares had a baby I’m not lying. So HERE come the spoilers. It starts off revealing a bit of background on Fiona(The supreme) who when she was younger killed the supreme before her by slitting her throat. So apparently when a new supreme is rising the older one slowly begins to die. Yeah that sucks. Then we meet Kyle’s mom. She’s all distraught because she thinks her son is dead. Understandable. But this woman looks like she escaped from a lesbian scene of Orange is the New black. and I don’t mean an attractive one. We then see these Jesus freaks moving in next to the Witch school. I’m thinking CLASSIC! I love the Irony. And of course there’s some cute guy moving in next door. Yum. Kyle (frankenstien boy) is still with the cajun witch misty who is freaking out cause she’s lonely and Zoe takes Kyle away from her because she wants to give him back to his mom. Then BAM it’s revealed that his mom is a son toucher lover person GROSS NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO I DON’T LIKE IT *Kevin Hart voice* Madison and Nan go to the Jesus freaks house to try and hit on the son and bring him a cake. Of course the overprotective mom comes up and starts acting crazy grabbing someones arm when that someone is holding a knife. UMMM OK! Then we see Fiona’s daughter once again crying cause she can’t have a kid and Fiona finds out that she is basically dying. Fiona finds out from the Jesus freak that Madison committed arson and she deducts that Madison is soon to be the new supreme. As soon as I saw that I said BOO why would the writers make the least favorite character the supreme she needs to die. Fiona’s daughter then tries to go to Madame Laveau for a fertility ritual. They actually act it out and it looked SOOOOOO BOSS. Once again ANGELA is my hero. But Marie is not having it she tells her she’s not even about to consider doing the ritual because there’s a war starting between them and the non-voodoo witches. Nan is adorable and reads peoples minds like clockwork. But when I saw that Minotaur I nearly blew chunks. He came to that window like a bat out of hell. The poor little sadist locked the door like that was gonna work lol. But Queenie comes swooping in talking bout “Oh I’ll take care of it” Really bitch will you because I’m already in the corner sobbing. Then we she was talking about deserving love I found myself screaming DON’T DO IT. Every tale I’ve heard or movie I’ve seen with the Minotaur suggest that sex with said thing IS BAD VERY BAD HOUSTON WE’RE GOING DOWN PULL UP PULL UP!!!! When he grabbed her face I then immediately screamed HE’S GONNA KILL HER! Sorry neighbors. And now back to Kyle and his mental mother. He’s rocking back and forth and looking real sketch. I’m like um please give him back to misty before he starts eating people or something. Literally he didn’t speak I don’t trust that. Then his mom tries to act like she’s gonna have sex with him and we finally hear him speak when he’s bashing her head in with a trophy. Apparently the Supreme has like the ability to attract men too. So Fiona keeps testing Madison to see if she is indeed the new supreme. Madison is so ignorant she doesn’t even see she’s about to get snuffed. Fiona then has this amazing rant on how she has cancer and is dying because of Madison. Then she takes the same knife she used to kill the supreme before and tries to give it to madison so she can kill her. But of course Madison now chooses to be a..p*$$* and starts crying talking about she can’t kill her. Bitch you flipped a bus no problem. But I guess different circumstances. But in the heat of the moment Fiona SLASHES Madison’s throat. DAMN.Was it intentional. I don’t know. I’m pretty sure it was though cause that woman lit a cigarette and was chillin. So once again can’t wait till next week. It’s about to get even crazier. I think Queenie is going to die. Fiona is going to get in trouble by the Witches Council and lord knows what going to happen to the rest of this amazing cast of characters. But I am glad Emma died first. She served her purpose on the show and she wouldn’t have made a good supreme anyway. LONG LIVE JESSICA LANGE.
OK BAM! I couldn’t even wait till tomorrow to write this post. So this series is AMAZING. You can tell after last season AHS was not about to play any games. The acting is superb, the writing is comically dark, and top it off with the history and witchy touches I’M HOOKED FOR LIFE. Now here come the SPOILERS. The episode starts revealing that Misty Day is indeed not dead. At first I thought ghost just like in season one but then I remembered that she had the power of resurgence. So right off the bat this episode she kills two gator hunters by bringing the gators they hunted back to life. I was like…DAMN. If that is not irony I don’t know what is. Then we get to see what got Queenie sent to the school. I thought it was hilarious that she worked in a chicken place. NOT because she’s black that actually kind of pissed me off that they stereotyped her like that. But the fact that in Precious she stole that chicken and the man in this particular scene tries to trick her into giving him more chicken. Thus being a human voodoo doll she slips her hand into some burning oil and it starts to burn the mans arm. She then proceeds to say my favorite line in the entire episode “Sabrina the teenage cracker” Cue me dying from laughter. We then see Jessica L. Character interacting with the immortal sadist who apparently smells really bad from being trapped in a box for over a hundred years. (go figure). The cops come to question the girls about the bus flip. Which I thought was dumb. How could two tiny girls sabo a bus causing it to flip. There’s that good old New Orleans police work. But then in swoops Jessica’s character the SUPREME and she does something to make the detectives forget. Later in the episode we find out the Supreme’s daughter can’t have kids (aw). And then we also find out what the voodoo queen actually did to exact her revenge. ANGELA BASSET is soooooo BOSS in this series I can’t even handle. She was having me so hype as I watched tonights episode. She is also immortal in the series and owns a hair shop that disguises her voodoo shop. Good idea. Once again stereotypical but whatever. She and the supreme exchange words and it gets super intense and a mini war starts. Marie Laveau’s old lover who the sadist tortured is now a full on bull man like in the Greek myth and that was scary. I was like NOOOOOO. Meanwhile, we see zoe and the movie star girl (forgot her name) go to the morgue to put Kyle back together humpty dumpty style. They then perform a resurrection spell. Which in my past research always comes at a major price. They low key offer themselves to the devil. Kyle comes back to life Frankenstien style and is of course all f***ed up. Misty Day comes and helps zoe to heal him. Though she is staying in the swamp Mama Odi style. Marie Laveau starts to plot to start a war which poses a new problem since the norms are moving in on the witches. The sadist wants to die since all her loved ones were hung by the voodoo queen. Kyle is a mess. Zoe is a bit whiny and annoying. Misty is creepy but awesome. AND I’M IN LOVE WITH THIS ENTIRE SERIES. More reviews next week.
SOOOOO FINALLY. The time has come that Coven has come to us in all it’s grand packed glory. It started and already I was like WHERE’S MY BLACK CAT AND WITCH HAT! I’m watching it and already I’m like oh they are soooo good for this. The history is impeccably mixed all through it already. The ranks of witches is a cool concept. Then each girl has their own power(curse) that they live with. SPOILERS AHEAD. We see the main girl (failed to catch her name because I was too amazed). She honestly has the worst curse of them all. Having sex with her will cause you to die. Blood coming out of every hole in your face..Not cute. So literally her vagina…is a weapon. WHAT. #mindblown. I’m just like girl that is rough. Then we see Emma stone’s character is an UBBER bitch. (Was there ever any doubt that she would be). Her curse is similar to the Carrie theme. She ends up flipping a frat boys bus after they drug her and run a train (gangbang) on her AND film it. WHAT?!?!?!?! Craziness. Only bad thing is Kyle (who likes murderous vagina witch girl) was on the bus and might have died. I know they showed that he had died but I’m pretty sure he didn’t or he’s now some kind of ghost. (Season one swirl on it but not Tate..Kyle). Gabby (aka precious) is a human voodoo doll. She jammed a fork in her hand and I literally almost but not really threw up. It was gross. And I think he name was Janie(idk) is clairvoyant and can know everything about you and what happened and is going to happen to you. Talk about handy! Jessica Lange plays the supreme and you see her once again obsessed with age. She even sucks the life out of a man through a kiss. I was like OOOOOOO cool. Now lets talk about Mrs. Bates. Our Oscar queen. She was beyond creepy. She was smearing blood on her face. Oh wow girl no. But then she pissed off Angela Basset who plays the voodoo queen. Who then curses her and shoves her into a chained box underground. I was like GIRL FIGHT. I’m already just swept away by this series. I’m interested how they will show the evolution of their powers and their stories. I love that they filmed most of the show on site in New Orleans. But already the show is off to a hit and makes me angry that they don’t just release all the episodes and I have to wait till next week. I’ll be reviewing every episode, hopefully. Love this. But what I’m thinking is The grands are going to be the supreme, the sadist, and the voodoo queen. They will be the fighters against the so called “storm” that is heading their way.